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<li><a href="/"><h1>Chrisoft</h1></a></li>
<li><a href="/blog"><h2>Blog</h2></a></li>
<li><a href="#"><h3 id="title">Does gaming make me merrier & more relaxed or the opposite?</h3></a></li>
<li><span>Tags</span>
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<li><a href="/blog/list/garbage/">garbage</a></li></ul>
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<span>Table of Contents</span>
<ul id="tocroot">
<li><a class="toctarg" href="#tocanch0">
Disclaimer: What this article is and what it is not
</a></li><li><a class="toctarg" href="#tocanch1">"Playing saps the will"</a></li><li><a class="toctarg" href="#tocanch2">Clumsy me</a></li><li><a class="toctarg" href="#tocanch3">Finally...</a></li><li><a class="toctarg" href="#tocanch4">The Touhou project and Clumsy me cont'd</a></li></ul>
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<li style="margin-left:-0.5em"><a id="prevp" href="2018-01-07.html">Prev post</a></li>
<li style="margin-left:-0.5em"><a id="nextp" href="2018-03-17.html">Next post</a></li>
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<h2 id="titleh" class="TText" style="font-wight:normal;">Does gaming make me merrier & more relaxed or the opposite?</h2>
<div id="datetags" class="TText" style="margin-bottom:1em;">2018-02-05<br>#garbage</div>
<hr><div id="article" class="TText">
<article>
<h2 id="tocanch0" class="tvis">
Disclaimer: What this article is and what it is not
</h2>
<p>
</p><ul>
<li>It's abount my current status.</li>
<li>It expresses my fear of losing interest on everything.</li>
<li>It doesn't speak bad of the game industry.</li>
<li>Nor do I try to convince you to behave like me. Although it
saves money, it's horrible.
</li>
</ul>
<p></p>
<h2 id="tocanch1" class="tvis">"Playing saps the will"</h2>
<p>
The heading is a literal translation of the Chinese idiom 「玩物丧志」.
80% of the parents in China believes in this phrase, mine included.
So I was strictly kept away from most ways of entertainment in my early
years. During this period I developed distinct interests among the age
group such as disassembling gadgets, programming and some music skills.
Also due to the same reason, I've never had or even touched any device whose
sole functionality is gaming (i.e. a gaming console, or even a Tamagotchi).
</p>
<p>
The only way to play video games I was aware of then was to go to a stupid
website within a intranet of my area. There was a deeply hidden link where a
lot of flash games are hosted. There were plenty mockups of the Super Mario
series, 「魔塔」<a id="n1" href="#note1" class="note">[1]</a>
replicas and some strategic games, which definitely contributed to the
shaping of my game preferences.
</p>
<p>
The only non-flash game played by me when I was in the elementary school was
Road Rash 2002.
</p>
<p>
The only non-flash game I played during junior high school was Ballance.
(although I also played a custom map (the tower defense one) for Warcraft
III, a little Red Alert 2 and beat hazard, these never became my dominating
game choice.) I played through the main content in the first month. But as
for the DLC (Level 13, 「速度」/"Sudu"), I didn't pass it until the last day
of Feburary this year. After going through the first 12 levels, I devoted
myself to modding and later, cloning the entire game. I even made a new
but somehow stupid game with the same engine called WHG3D. I still faced the
pressure from my parents because they didn't want me do such "improper
business".
</p>
<p>
Of course I played solitaire and minesweeper, but at this time I wasn't
aware of the actual rules of minesweeper so all I did was clicking randomly.
</p>
<h2 id="tocanch2" class="tvis">Clumsy me</h2>
<p>
After getting into senior high school, and later, the StupiD University,
I got more time of my own. I was able to play more than ever, but suddenly
I found out I was too clumsy to play...
</p>
<p>
I tried...
</p>
<ul>
<li>osu! but I was so clumsy that I couldn't play even with a
touchscreen at the lowest difficulty.</li>
<li>the Touhou project but I am so clumsy that I couldn't even make it
through the normal difficulty of most releases. More on this later.</li>
<li>Minecraft but I was constantly killed by myself using custom potions
</li>
<li>Snakebird but I was so dumb that I couldn't even make it through the
fifth level.</li>
<li>Portal and Portal 2 but I always got stuck in infinite loops.</li>
<li>Neverball but I don't even know how to jump properly.</li>
</ul>
<p>
These games are actually playable for me:
</p>
<ul>
<li>Minesweeper: finally I am not clicking randomly anymore. I tried to
be hardcore at this one but my highscores were capped at 130 seconds on
hard. Not even close to 100 seconds.</li>
<li>2048: once you get the trick, you can pass it infinity times.</li>
<li>Patience: although I have little patience, I play patience. If I
got stuck, I just redeal.</li>
<li>Minecraft: still I was constantly killed by myself using custom
potions.</li>
<li>sequels of BTD: these games suck and lags a lot.</li>
<li>chrome://dino: not really playable. I don't know what the fifth
digit of the score is for because I can literally see nothing after reaching
2400.</li>
</ul>
<h2 id="tocanch3" class="tvis">Finally...</h2>
<p>
All of these leads to my current situation: I still play those
"playable" games. For example I can reach round 100 in BMC with a level 35
city on most maps with ease and I can get to 4096 in 2048 without much
effort, but I always suffer from a strong feeling of voidness
<a id="n2" href="#note2" class="note">[2]</a>
after stopping playing. I am unsure about the source of such feeling, but
it is definitely related to playing games. The feeling is so strong that I
often stuck for hours before I can actually start getting my jobs done.
</p>
<p>
Probably due to the fear of creating more voidness, I refuse to learn
playing a new game. Also I am gradually losing interest in the games I am
still playing. This could be concerning because once I lost interest in
every game I may be bored to death. All I can do now is to hope that I
would have developed other interests to entertain myself then.
</p>
<h2 id="tocanch4" class="tvis">The Touhou project and Clumsy me cont'd</h2>
<p>
I came across this when I was in junior high school. At that time I
thought this was merely girls shooting unknown substance while avoiding
other unknown substance coming in all directions.
</p>
<p>
Later I found the music of this series interesting and started actually
playing it. Before long I started adoring those cute <a id="n3" href="#note3" class="note">[3]</a> characters as well.
I changed my wallpapers on all my devices to pictures of those characters
so that I can see them everywhere. Also I my favourite playlists were
replaced by the in-game music.
</p>
<p>
But all of these can't hide the fact that I suck at this game. I can't
play through the Normal difficulty of most releases, some not even the Easy
difficulty. This is probably due to some erroneous mechanics of my control
system -- sometimes when my intent was to press a certain key, I may press
another one instead. <a id="n4" href="#note4" class="note">[4]</a>Strangely this happens only when
I am playing games, it seldom happens when I am typing. Just in case you
are wondering, I type faster than most Chinese computer users, at around
330 cpm or 66 wpm. However this doesn't help me become a decent gamer.
</p>
<p>
What makes everything even worse is that I've got heart disease, making it
impossible for me to play any games that require high tension or may
cause great excitement. These games may really harm me.
</p>
<p>
Any advice on how to fix me is highly appreciated.
</p>
</article>
</div><br><hr>
<div class="TText" id="notediv" style="font-size:80%;"><span class="TText"><a id="note1" href="#n1">[1]</a>: lit. "Magic Tower", an RPG game<br></span><span class="TText"><a id="note2" href="#n2">[2]</a>: Something like extreme boredom, but not exactly.<br></span><span class="TText"><a id="note3" href="#n3">[3]</a>: In a oriental
way -- a Japonic way to be more specific <br></span><span class="TText"><a id="note4" href="#n4">[4]</a>: Also applicable to mouse clicks. When I try
to activate a certain ability in BTD, I may find myself dying just because
I was hitting the wrong button.<br></span></div>
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